Below is a post from my friend, Jess', blog. I really liked it and wanted to put it on my blog with my own responses:
This is the time of year we tend to think about next year, and why not the next part of our lives? Here is a snippet from a palliative care nurse.
When questioned about any regrets her patients had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
My thoughts: I began living by my own expectations in college and it was liberating. I had to cut ties with a few people, though, whose expectations I'd never fulfill. I am a happier person for it and have no regrets.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
My thoughts: I admire Joseph for his work ethic and for sticking by his philosophy of having a balanced life. I am grateful he is around to share in family activities and for his personal desire to be present in my life and our children's lives.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
My thoughts: You don't know me if you think I suppress my feelings. I believe this exact statement contributed to my mother's cancer diagnosis and subsequent death and I certainly don't want the same fate for myself. Speak out people.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
My thoughts: I used to be better at this, but it has become difficult with children. I will try harder. My friends are so important to me and provide balance in my life.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
My thoughts:.... happiness is a choice. This really caught me in my tracks. I need to focus on the positive more and must remind myself this every day. I am happy, but could be happier. Thankfully our community is filled with happy people.... I believe happiness spreads.
